Insane Random Ramblings

Life B.C. (Before Computers)…

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You’d be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider’s home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

I was supposed to go to the hair dresser last week to get my hair cut and styled. But I decided to cancel the appointment and save the money instead. Now I’m glad I did. It is so hot and humid again this week. It’s supposed to be hot tomorrow as well but really cool down by Friday. I would have been so mad had I gotten my hair done. It would have totally frizzed out the day after getting it done.

Since everyone will try to get their hair done for the holiday weekend, I may be able to squeeze in next week. But if it’s going to be in the 90 degree range for more than 2 days, I’m gonna hold off. Getting my hair done in the heat and humidity is like throwing money away.

No not a good groove either. I’m talking about the groove of getting up and going to work every day. I was on vacation last week and I didn’t have to get up until I was ready to get up. I did wake up almost every morning at my normal time but I had the pleasure of laying back down and sleeping in.

Today is my first day back and I’m already tired. Hopefully this week will fly by and I’ll get to enjoy our upcoming 3 day weekend.

But I am so not ready to really sign up yet. I have had to make a account to poke around the site but I’m not ready to add friends or create a full profile just yet. I did notice that quite a few of my family members are on there. My cousin who has one of those great healthcare it jobs is on there. He gets to update his page from work since he’s in IT. I mean who better to get around a firewall than the IT guy?

Anyway, I’ll probably spend a little time on the site this weekend seeing who’s who and what’s what. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually start posting myself.

In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directions meet.

As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse.

They angrily look one at the other.

Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading.

The other one politely asks, “When you’ve finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and let me read it?”

My birthday is coming up next week and I want to buy myself something but I have no idea what.  I went to ebillme to look for coupons to some of the sites that I shop at. I did see both Kmart and Sears among the stores that I’ve heard of. There was also Wireless Emporium and My Jewelry Box (which sounds like it could be my new favorite store).

The cool thing with ebillme is that a bunch of websites now use this service. I don’t have to use any credit cards or debit cards. I buy what I want and check out using ebillme. Then I get a bill by email which I pay from my online bank account and that’s it! Easy as can be. And if that’s not enough, they also have a rewards program where you can save 1% on future purchases. That money can really add up too.

Last year I used ebillme to buy a mp3 player from TigerDirect. I used the bill pay option at my bank to pay ebillme for the item. That’s it…not hard at all. The best part is I don’t have to use a credit card or give out my banking information. You simply set up ebillme as a payee at your bank and it’s done and over.

Now I have to get back to shopping because I think that jewelry store is calling my name.

Priestly Persuasion…

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “Of course. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive! electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.” “With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” “From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare. ” The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.” Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father - - Next!”

And I am totally out of money! I can’t believe I waited until the last minute to decide that I wanted to go somewhere for vacation. I have no idea what I’m going to do for an entire week. Had I planned ahead, I could have gone on a nice vacation. Renting one of the Outer Banks homes on the beach sounds like a really good idea right now. I may even be able to still get a reservation but I don’t have anyone to go with since it’s so last minute.

I’ll figure out something to do close to home so I won’t just sit around the house. And I may just be able to squeeze a few days at the beach in there after all.

Especially on Wednesday. I mean it was horrible. I was sitting at my desk and all of a sudden I got extremely hot. Then I felt light-headed and dizzy all at the same time. I thought that maybe my blood sugar had gotten low so I ate some candy and drank a bunch of water and tea. I don’t think the tea was good for me but it was better than soda.

Once I got home I drank almost an entire bottle of PowerAde and laid on the couch. I don’t know what was wrong but I felt like crap. Even though yesterday was a blah-type of day too, I hope this week will be better.

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks “I can outrun this guy,” so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway — 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures “What the heck,” and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says “Listen mister, I’ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I’ll let you go.”

The man thought for a moment and said… “Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that you were the officer and that you were trying to give her back to me!”